Barren Soul
50
At least smile at me
or lie
As you lead
me in the spiral down
And down
Down unto my demise
If not a smile for me, then you
Your triumph
Curl up your lips in a snarl
if that is your will
Even razors cut
Bullets tear flesh
Drowning steals air
Why do I shed tears of blood without a serpent’s sting
Look! I have surrendered
There is no battle to be won or lost
The victory is yours
Call for a celebration
You’ve stolen all that I was
Or would ever be
I do not try to run
Everything has been relinquished
Is there nothing you give in return
No
Not even now
You knew how this would end all along
Not a mystery No surprise
Just another one, nothing personal
They named you well, Indifference,
They named you well
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Great! I couldn't have finished it without serpent and curl - made the difference to expand my mind's eye to the rest.
A very emotional hub of great debth that comes from the soul. Brilliantly created. God Bless you.
I love the graphic along with the poem!
...excellent...
Very strong, very emotional. Did someone hear the sheer ripping of a soul or was it only I?
I love the profound and poignant words you penned that come from the darkest recesses.
Beautiful. Your words always touch me. Brilliant prose!
Blessings and hugs,
Laurie
Yeh, well you know, I just hate being ignored...LOL
Miss Ashley, stop visiting your grandma's Hubs and voting them down. If you continue, I will have to start posting baby pictures of you on your Face book account. Fair?
Lol, I like the facebook threat. "Nana with a vengeance!" :P
The little girl is mad at me - well, the young lady is mad at me and is sabotaging me! I have some pretty embarrassing photos though so she'd better watch out. Her Sweet Sixteen birthday is coming up on the 29th and she may end up eating crow instead of birthday cake. ;0)
I absolutely love this!!
Unusual writing style, gripping, intense.
Truly, wonderful
High praise, grasshopper. I was just stamping my feet at being ignored. Old people have tantrums too, we just do it differently than toddlers. ha ha
Lol, we all like to get attention and feedback.
I know for me, for YEARS I had been trying to share my stuff with people, and they blew my mind with how uninterested they were in who I am, or my work.
I was terribly discouraged. Hubpages has really changed that very quickly
I am amazed that I have 1,200 views in SIX DAYS
blows me away :D
And it will get even better and then maybe level out, maybe not with your enthusiasm and talent.
I don't know if that's a common occurrence, the people we know not caring what we really are about and have to say or what, but my experience is the same. You have an avid audience here though so it is their loss.
I can't believe the audience I have received so far.
For so long, my passions, ideas, and creativity have been kept just to myself and my family.
Every time I tried to share them with people, they didn't feel like taking the time to truly read it, and understand it.
A simple " hmm, thats good " or " i liked it " never really helped. haha
Now, amongst these great, seasoned writers, the feedback, including yours, has really helped :]
It's good for you to get this positive feedback and be recognized. I know when my writing was accepted I felt a new surge of life and worth and in turn my creative self was freed to produce more. This can become an addiction too, but a positive one. I'm really glad for you that you found your way here and for all of us who get to reap the benefits! ;)
ditto :]
ummm, dark and the image is haunting. well done and your Miss Ashley needs a good pinching. LOL btw i hate to critique but this needs attention to look real professional 'If not a smile for me, than you . . .' a most common mistake than to then. Unless I am reading it wrong. keep writing girl. xox
Oops - can't believe no one else told me ... thanks Charlie. I know the difference and have looked at this a few times never seeing it. I appreciate the read and the heads up!
...well you really reached deep down into the bottomless pit of your soul for capturing the mood and the appropriate words of this harrowing piece ....... and only a very good writer (like yourself) could pull something like this off with such skill and natural aplomb!!!
Now you sent me to the dictionary, epi. Flattery so thick it spreads like butter, I'm loving every sweet taste of it. Seriously, thank you so very much.
Thank you dear Poohgranma. I appreciate you. God bless you!
Aw, Micky Dee, I appreciate you too and all of the things you have written that give voice to Vets who have none, or can't articulate what it was like, and is still. I salute you, sir, and I pray for your peace. Thank you for coming by too.
Dearest Pooh-Your poem really brings the reader down with you. It's a painful journey but your words can educate and possibly heal those that feel alone in this. God Bless you my friend:)
Awesome voted up!! x
I had not seen the responses, so sorry. MT you have been a loyal and dear friend, thank-you so much for reading and commenting.
lost - A special message for you on your hub about taking a break. Please do come back. You have so very much to give and it is needed as much as we need the darkness to cease! Hang on girl, hang on with all of your might!
I loved this one! You have a talent my friend...I am off to read another poem!
Authors note
A big thanks to tlmntim9
who gave me some words I could not see and for withholding a complete rewrite when I asked for a read and suggestions . ha ha
tlmntim9 Level 4 Commenter 16 months ago
Oh I love it! Very good! and as for the link, thats a big wow! thanks and no I never frown on getting my writings exposed...please! link all you want.
Keep up the good work, can't wait to red some more.
Tim w
tlmntim9